Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
