you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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