she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
