Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
