Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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