You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
