He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
