airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
