dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
