Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
