but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
