I think i peed on brittanys purse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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