I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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