You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
