dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
