from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
