Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
