Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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