Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
