Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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