my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
