i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
