am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
