There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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