I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't notice because vodka
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
