absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
