I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
