thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
