loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
