According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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