Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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