Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
