So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
