new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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