So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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