Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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