I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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