You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
