Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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