We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wanna go halves on a baby?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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