The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
