i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
