He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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