the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
