I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
