remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
