Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
