I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
