That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
