Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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