dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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