at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
