I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
