first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
