I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
