just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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